It's been a while since I have published to the blog. A lot has happened. I got engaged, I graduated, I got married, and I experienced the thought of pregnancy, the disappoint of not being pregnant, and the fear of the future.
Tim and I got married March 3rd. We decided that if we wanted to start our family then we could do it. It was a collective decision to stop birth control. I know - I let my guard down. The fact I can/could allow myself to stop something I felt was my only protection against men means so much. Tim is truly the love of my life and I know that he will always protect me and love me. Amazing what one person can do for another. Any way, outside of that we recently (this week) thought we could be expecting. I have been experiencing a lot of pain in my breats, lower abs, and everyone I talked to said, "You have to be pregnant." I started to think wow, what if we are going to have a baby.
If you know me I never thought this was something I would want. Last night I got in the shower and my period started. I lost it. I felt like I had failed in some way. I do know there is a plan for everything but it was shocking.
I had not realized how badly I wanted a baby. It is so weird to me to think I was so close to something. I just pray I make it through today with out crying.
No comments:
Post a Comment