Many of my friends are either married, engaged, pregnant, or both...this leaves me wondering what will be my future.
Will I get to be the girl who gets all eyes on her? Do I want all eyes on me? Growing up; my mom would say I wanted attention, I wanted to be loved, I wanted to find someone who would have only eyes for me. I never craved the general attention.
As I got older and a lot of attention came my way I got more and more self-conscience about what I looked like, etc. Then it was taken from my, my name was slammed around the church and no one saw me the way I had seen myself. It took me almost 3 years to finally snap away from the illusion the rumors had started. I could finally look at myself with the admiration I once had (when I was young).
Today, at the tender age of 23, I can look at myself and feel good about who I am and why I am. Yes, it is still hard for me to walk into a church where all they know are the rumors and don't ask for answers. But, I can walk into the church with my head held high knowing the truth and knowing who I am.
I have been lucky enough to find someone who loves me...all of me. I had the illusion sex was simply for the male. I had thought sex was nothing to be cherished, I thought it was simply something you HAD to do to keep a guy. I WAS WRONG! He has made me open my eyes.
Sex is a sharing of love, of spirit and of soul. It is the connection between two people that only God can take away. I cried (tears of happiness). I found what everyone else had been talking about.
We are currently talking marriage. I was worried about the name change, loss of idenity, blah blah. Now, I can't wait to start this new chapter. This chapter of love, honesty, and happiness. I see this marriage as a way to complete the connection, to truly show the love we have for one another.
He is my soul mate, he is my one and only. I thank God he is a part of my life, that he was an answer to my prayers, and that he has remained so since the day I met him.
I love you!
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