Identity

The prospect of marriage for any person is daunting. I sat here at the computer for two hours and planned out a full wedding.

Why?

Well, couldn't honestly tell you. Maybe a big part of me can't wait for the day. Yet, when it comes to thinking about losing my"identity" I get terrified. I have worked so long to get an identity that exemplifies me.

I was talking with my sister and the last name thing got brought up. Jokingly I said I would have to either hyphen or just keep my last name. But I don't know how much of it was a joke. That is a part of my identity.

I think that in the act of marriage I will lose that. I will lose the 'Prosser' and become the... not Prosser. Granted, I know when I actually say, "I do" I will never regret the day. I guess this all comes from the doom, gloom past of being me.

I have always thought I would never marry. I never wanted to get married. I hated men. I did not ever want a man to be the head of me (totally against the whole Bible thing). I want control. Wow, I could so turn this into another blog about control. I might, tomorrow.

Needless to say. My boyfriend and I are heading into three years together, marriage could be the next step. How do I lose this feeling? Am I going to have the power to say, "I take thee to be mine" and then smile knowing I lose Prosser?

I think I can. I guess like mom says don't put the cart before the horse. Get a ring, say yes to engagement, then lord willing by the 'big day' you can walk down the aisle and say those two words with out thinking of identity.