So since I have no connection to the outside world, minus the internet I figure I could post a few blogs while abroad. I know awesome right? Anyway, so this is the end of day 3... so amazed at how fast it is going. Right now I am sitting in bed trying hard to not fall asleep haha.
So, adventures. We got here and hit the ground running. I don't think we have stopped since we started. We went to the flat then went on a site seeing tour. It was awesome. I love all the beauty here. It simply amazes me.
Yesterday we went to the Observatory in Greenwich, London...by the way super long walk and so beautiful! We then met Sir David Nicholas and talked with him while sitting in the grass under a wonderful sky. Following all these events we went to eat along the Thames (pronounced Tims) River. There was then another site visit at CNN London/International...also a great time. Oh, before all this we went on a river boat tour... better than the bus in my opinion.
Today was awesome. Woke up and met with Wall Street Journal and talked with the .com team...FOUND MY CALLING :) Then we broke up and ate lunch and then went to the Guardian. It is a free night tonight so we are all going to a local pub and enjoy some local drinks.
I am going to stop this lil blog and get ready. Love and miss everyone.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
A trip of a lifetime
I will embark on a traveling adventure on the 17th. Am I scared? Yes. Am I nervous/excited? Yes. I honestly have never been out of the country and without a family member of sorts. So, this 18-day trip may teach me a thing or two about myself.
Also, with this trip I am going to play the part of TA (teachers assistant). This means that while I am overseas I will be assisting Dean Foote and herding the cattle of students around a country I have never been to. I can handle the responsibilty but what happens if I mess up?
I won't know how to maintain students very well in a country I don't know. I won't know even what to do with myself. But, with the lord's help I know I will survive and the trip will be a HUGE success.
Let's just pray I don't get mugged, taken, hurt, lost or sick. I would love for this to be a trip of a life time. Thankfully I have Emily (a friend) to go with me and keep me grounded!!!
Also, with this trip I am going to play the part of TA (teachers assistant). This means that while I am overseas I will be assisting Dean Foote and herding the cattle of students around a country I have never been to. I can handle the responsibilty but what happens if I mess up?
I won't know how to maintain students very well in a country I don't know. I won't know even what to do with myself. But, with the lord's help I know I will survive and the trip will be a HUGE success.
Let's just pray I don't get mugged, taken, hurt, lost or sick. I would love for this to be a trip of a life time. Thankfully I have Emily (a friend) to go with me and keep me grounded!!!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Reasons
I started this blog as a way to learn about myself. As I write each blog I realize it isn't about just me. Yes, I may be the subject in a lot of the posts but I am learning a lot about the world, beliefs, family, friends, love, etc.
The world is huge and if you keep your head in your own cloud you won't ever see it. I used to do that, I thank God I don't anymore. I hung out with some friends a while back and they were bashing homosexuals. I wanted so badly to get up and leave. I finally said, "Hey, I have a lot of gay and lesbian friends." I do not know of another time when a table got so quiet.
It made me think about how much I have changed. How much I have learned. They were me. I was them just a few years ago. I was so shocked and honestly felt alone. These were my friends and I was completely disconnected from them.
The odd thing. They are Christians. I don't see how judging someone, talking about someone and degrading their whole life is Christian. I know, the Bible says Adam and Eve...not Adam and Steve. But, like I get told...God created Doctors we shouldn't disregard them because we don't use them. So please, just because you don't understand the homosexual nature you think it is okay to be cruel.
I know this blog started as a reason why. But, I can shift gears. My gear went out to my friends who once where afraid to share who they were. A lot like me (no I am not a lesbian). This is in the sense of sharing my past.
Too often are we afraid to open up to who we really are because we fear the judgement and persecution of others. God already knows your heart, soul and mind. If the people want to judge; let them. You are strong and you can endure.
So, let's show the world who we are. Shout from the roof top. No more hiding. This is for every person, no matter what you may be holding back. If you are afraid to let go of a loved one who has passed, tell the world. If you are afraid to let someone know you love them; tell them. We only live for a while. Why waste it.
The world is huge and if you keep your head in your own cloud you won't ever see it. I used to do that, I thank God I don't anymore. I hung out with some friends a while back and they were bashing homosexuals. I wanted so badly to get up and leave. I finally said, "Hey, I have a lot of gay and lesbian friends." I do not know of another time when a table got so quiet.
It made me think about how much I have changed. How much I have learned. They were me. I was them just a few years ago. I was so shocked and honestly felt alone. These were my friends and I was completely disconnected from them.
The odd thing. They are Christians. I don't see how judging someone, talking about someone and degrading their whole life is Christian. I know, the Bible says Adam and Eve...not Adam and Steve. But, like I get told...God created Doctors we shouldn't disregard them because we don't use them. So please, just because you don't understand the homosexual nature you think it is okay to be cruel.
I know this blog started as a reason why. But, I can shift gears. My gear went out to my friends who once where afraid to share who they were. A lot like me (no I am not a lesbian). This is in the sense of sharing my past.
Too often are we afraid to open up to who we really are because we fear the judgement and persecution of others. God already knows your heart, soul and mind. If the people want to judge; let them. You are strong and you can endure.
So, let's show the world who we are. Shout from the roof top. No more hiding. This is for every person, no matter what you may be holding back. If you are afraid to let go of a loved one who has passed, tell the world. If you are afraid to let someone know you love them; tell them. We only live for a while. Why waste it.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Control
Control. This has been a topic on my mind and lips for about two weeks. I am a religious person. No, I don't attend church on a regular basis but I do pray, talk and believe everyday. Now, the control aspect is in relation to birth control.
My religion believes prayer is the first option, well really the only option (I agree). A doctor is there to help heal but I think God has the power to heal and therefore I don't need to go to a doctor. I know a lot of OMG! just happened. I have honestly never been to a doctor outside of my birth control. I don't think I will ever go. I like to think, based on past experience, that God will heal.
Needless to say I have been called a walking contradiction. I am...as far as the bc is concerned. I however have had the priveledge to talk with a pastors wife about the subject. She gave me the understanding and the power to understand why I won't let God have the control over the 'birth' of a baby.
Now, with that said I should give a glimpse to my experience with men. They were crappy. I have been both mentally and physically abused. I have had things taken from me, that weren't theirs to take. But, because of this I think the only way to protect myself and maintain the control they stole from me I stay on birth control.
The purpose of this post is to express the fear a woman has. I should give God the control. I just can't. I can not look at the world and think God will prevent me from all harm. He can, but Satan also has the power to inflict it. So, in order for me to feel completely safe I protect myself from getting pregant, that is if another man takes advantage of me.
My birth control is not so I can 'practice safe sex' it is for me to have control over something I never had control over. God knows my heart, he knows I will never doubt his power. For this, I know God knows I am scared.
My religion believes prayer is the first option, well really the only option (I agree). A doctor is there to help heal but I think God has the power to heal and therefore I don't need to go to a doctor. I know a lot of OMG! just happened. I have honestly never been to a doctor outside of my birth control. I don't think I will ever go. I like to think, based on past experience, that God will heal.
Needless to say I have been called a walking contradiction. I am...as far as the bc is concerned. I however have had the priveledge to talk with a pastors wife about the subject. She gave me the understanding and the power to understand why I won't let God have the control over the 'birth' of a baby.
Now, with that said I should give a glimpse to my experience with men. They were crappy. I have been both mentally and physically abused. I have had things taken from me, that weren't theirs to take. But, because of this I think the only way to protect myself and maintain the control they stole from me I stay on birth control.
The purpose of this post is to express the fear a woman has. I should give God the control. I just can't. I can not look at the world and think God will prevent me from all harm. He can, but Satan also has the power to inflict it. So, in order for me to feel completely safe I protect myself from getting pregant, that is if another man takes advantage of me.
My birth control is not so I can 'practice safe sex' it is for me to have control over something I never had control over. God knows my heart, he knows I will never doubt his power. For this, I know God knows I am scared.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Identity
The prospect of marriage for any person is daunting. I sat here at the computer for two hours and planned out a full wedding.
Why?
Well, couldn't honestly tell you. Maybe a big part of me can't wait for the day. Yet, when it comes to thinking about losing my"identity" I get terrified. I have worked so long to get an identity that exemplifies me.
I was talking with my sister and the last name thing got brought up. Jokingly I said I would have to either hyphen or just keep my last name. But I don't know how much of it was a joke. That is a part of my identity.
I think that in the act of marriage I will lose that. I will lose the 'Prosser' and become the... not Prosser. Granted, I know when I actually say, "I do" I will never regret the day. I guess this all comes from the doom, gloom past of being me.
I have always thought I would never marry. I never wanted to get married. I hated men. I did not ever want a man to be the head of me (totally against the whole Bible thing). I want control. Wow, I could so turn this into another blog about control. I might, tomorrow.
Needless to say. My boyfriend and I are heading into three years together, marriage could be the next step. How do I lose this feeling? Am I going to have the power to say, "I take thee to be mine" and then smile knowing I lose Prosser?
I think I can. I guess like mom says don't put the cart before the horse. Get a ring, say yes to engagement, then lord willing by the 'big day' you can walk down the aisle and say those two words with out thinking of identity.
Why?
Well, couldn't honestly tell you. Maybe a big part of me can't wait for the day. Yet, when it comes to thinking about losing my"identity" I get terrified. I have worked so long to get an identity that exemplifies me.
I was talking with my sister and the last name thing got brought up. Jokingly I said I would have to either hyphen or just keep my last name. But I don't know how much of it was a joke. That is a part of my identity.
I think that in the act of marriage I will lose that. I will lose the 'Prosser' and become the... not Prosser. Granted, I know when I actually say, "I do" I will never regret the day. I guess this all comes from the doom, gloom past of being me.
I have always thought I would never marry. I never wanted to get married. I hated men. I did not ever want a man to be the head of me (totally against the whole Bible thing). I want control. Wow, I could so turn this into another blog about control. I might, tomorrow.
Needless to say. My boyfriend and I are heading into three years together, marriage could be the next step. How do I lose this feeling? Am I going to have the power to say, "I take thee to be mine" and then smile knowing I lose Prosser?
I think I can. I guess like mom says don't put the cart before the horse. Get a ring, say yes to engagement, then lord willing by the 'big day' you can walk down the aisle and say those two words with out thinking of identity.
Mom's Day
Sunday is a day set aside to thank the mother's in the world. My mother deserves one of the biggest. Thank you! I was thinking of my life, her life and our life together. I am reminded daily of the things my mother has taught me, shown me, and instilled within me. She and I are are like reading the same book.
I look at my past and I can tell you the exact moment when I realized my mother is not "evil". Everyone has that thought growing up. I was just lucky enough to see she wasn't at a much younger age. I remember the long talks we would have about life. She doesn't realize it but she has some stories that would shake a tall building to the ground.
My mother is one of the STRONGEST women I know. She has held fast to her beliefs, she took all her children to church, and she was able to raise 4 amazing people.
I could continue but, sometimes simplicity is best. My mother know how I feel about her, she knows she is my best friend, and I am almost positive she knows that without her I would not be the woman I am today.
So happy mother's day mom! I love you
~ your favorite!
I look at my past and I can tell you the exact moment when I realized my mother is not "evil". Everyone has that thought growing up. I was just lucky enough to see she wasn't at a much younger age. I remember the long talks we would have about life. She doesn't realize it but she has some stories that would shake a tall building to the ground.
My mother is one of the STRONGEST women I know. She has held fast to her beliefs, she took all her children to church, and she was able to raise 4 amazing people.
I could continue but, sometimes simplicity is best. My mother know how I feel about her, she knows she is my best friend, and I am almost positive she knows that without her I would not be the woman I am today.
So happy mother's day mom! I love you
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Life Lessons
Living in a world where people do not know your past can make the future scary.
I found myself the other day realizing how terrified I am of the opposite sex. I don't look them in the eye, I get super hot, and my heart beats. No, this has nothing to do with excitement. It all is grounding in my run in with the opposite sex.
I honestly do not have the stories meant for a book of love. However, I do have the stories that could create an inspirational book for women. I want so bad for people to know what it is like to be victim to the cruelty of others. With the understanding, I think, people would be able to have more compassion.
I was able to see the compassion just this past week. A complete stranger saw fear in my eyes and decided to wait with me until my "ride" showed up. I wanted to burst into tears. I had forgotten what it was like to have someone care. Without my having to say anything he knew I needed him to be there.
I look back and all I want to tell that man is, you were my angel. Without him standing with me I am not sure what would have/could have happened. I do not know if it was because he had a family, a daughter... or what. I do know he was able to calm nerves and emotions that normally would have crippled me.
I tell myself daily how independent I am. I am not. I am simply a walking contradiction. I am strong until I am pushed into a circumstance where I have no option.
Another event took place and I was again reminded of the power of God. I was in my hotel room and heard someone trying to get in. I immediately walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I sat down on the floor and prayed to be safe. Granted, I have no idea what would have happened or if I should have just said WRONG ROOM. I won't ever know. I do know God gave me the strength to walk away without feeling an enormous amount of fear.
All in all, walk a mile in the shoes of another. If you think you understand the awkward glance, the lack of eye contact, or the mumble... you don't. Talk with them, make them understand you do care. Give them the compassion that they had not known.
A simple "I care" are the most important words.
I found myself the other day realizing how terrified I am of the opposite sex. I don't look them in the eye, I get super hot, and my heart beats. No, this has nothing to do with excitement. It all is grounding in my run in with the opposite sex.
I honestly do not have the stories meant for a book of love. However, I do have the stories that could create an inspirational book for women. I want so bad for people to know what it is like to be victim to the cruelty of others. With the understanding, I think, people would be able to have more compassion.
I was able to see the compassion just this past week. A complete stranger saw fear in my eyes and decided to wait with me until my "ride" showed up. I wanted to burst into tears. I had forgotten what it was like to have someone care. Without my having to say anything he knew I needed him to be there.
I look back and all I want to tell that man is, you were my angel. Without him standing with me I am not sure what would have/could have happened. I do not know if it was because he had a family, a daughter... or what. I do know he was able to calm nerves and emotions that normally would have crippled me.
I tell myself daily how independent I am. I am not. I am simply a walking contradiction. I am strong until I am pushed into a circumstance where I have no option.
Another event took place and I was again reminded of the power of God. I was in my hotel room and heard someone trying to get in. I immediately walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I sat down on the floor and prayed to be safe. Granted, I have no idea what would have happened or if I should have just said WRONG ROOM. I won't ever know. I do know God gave me the strength to walk away without feeling an enormous amount of fear.
All in all, walk a mile in the shoes of another. If you think you understand the awkward glance, the lack of eye contact, or the mumble... you don't. Talk with them, make them understand you do care. Give them the compassion that they had not known.
A simple "I care" are the most important words.
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